The one with all the poop.

Tonight is one of those nights were I simply hate poop. One of my residents decided it would be fun to poop her pants not once, not twice but three times within the space of two hours. And two of those times she took it upon herself to remove her pad and place it on the bathroom bench meaning that when I went in to check on her (she was supposed to be asleep in bed) the whole joint smelt like crap. Fun times. I told her that she needed to leave her pad on and let me know when she felt that she needed to go to the toilet! But suffering from short term memory loss (apparently) she did not keep her pad on and she definitely did not let me know when she needed to go.

Now I know that when I’m a midwife I’ll have to deal with poop. Babies poop all the time and sometimes mum’s in labour do too. But adult poo is a whole lot different to baby poo. And a mum poo-ing once while pushing out a baby is a whole lot different to poo smeared in pants. At least it was only one of my residents that was on the poo wagon. My night would have been even more crazy if they’d all jumped on board.

Dementia patients + poop = the actual worst. Because good old dementia patients sometimes forget important things like ‘you’re not supposed to use your hand to wipe your poop. That’s what toilet paper is for!’. One of my patients has the tendency to reach below while she’s on the toilet and touch that which should never be touched. So when it comes to toileting time I often have to become a strict and bossy - demanding that her hands remain where I can see them at all times. But she sure is quick for an old thing (when it comes to poop anyway) and I have caught her with her hand in the toilet bowl in the time it took me to turn around & grab the bottom wipes. Once. Or maybe twice. And let me tell you.. removing poop from under fingernails is no small task.

Don’t even get me started on poop that ends up on the floor.

I sincerely hope that when I get old, bowel control and the ability to toilet myself will be skills that I retain. But. If I'm not lucky enough to have that.. I at least hope that I won’t develop the urge to want to touch anything that belongs in the toilet bowl!